I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
