This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
