Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
