i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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