the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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