Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
