My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
