I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
