The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
