the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
