The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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