More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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