She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
