Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
