Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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