Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
