Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
