I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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