I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
