I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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