I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
