Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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