My liver just broke up with me...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
