i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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