i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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