Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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