Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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