she was so not down for the gang bang
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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