right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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