I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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