So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
