Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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