Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
