i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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