I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
