It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
