his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
