Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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