dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize