This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize