we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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