Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
