Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
