ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
