ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone signed my nipple.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
