I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
