needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
