So drunk its hurt
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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