This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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