he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
