This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
