Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
