end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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