Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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