get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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