nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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