It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
