what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
