you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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