You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
