Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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