bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
