she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
